Setting Boundaries in parent-child relationships
A parent-child relationship can be challenging, especially when factoring in situational and environmental factors that can take a toll on both parties. As teenagers or young adults, these relationships have additional strain. Maybe you're frustrated because your parents like to give you unsolicited advice. Perhaps, your parents have snooped through your personal belongings. Or something completely different has led to you wanting to set a boundary.
Setting boundaries, even with parents, is a healthy practice. It teaches them and yourself what you’re comfortable with and how to respect that space. Boundaries can allow us to have a deeper relationship with our parents because it helps us feel safe with them, and reduced own discomfort in the relationship. For the most part, our parents over involvement might be coming from a good place but it might also not be what you need.
Starting to set boundaries? Heres some tips:
Acknowledge your (negative) feelings around your parents (whether there discomfort, anger, disappointment, or all of the above) and reflect- what has happened that has resulted in this feeling?
Try to understand your parents thinking — remember, parents are people too. They have been our age before; they could not recognize that they are overstepping or they may not be maintaining your boundaries for certain reasons (ie safety concerns).
State your new boundaries kindly with gratitude- this is your most successful option! Less hurt feelings from both parties and a sense of appreciation will ease tension. (ex. “I know you had good intentions when you did X, but this makes me really Y (uncomfortable, angry, etc) because …”)
Be clear and concise- Instead of saying something like "Please do not enter my room without permission," say "I appreciate you wanting to spend time with me. But please knock and wait till I say it is ok for you to enter."
Be open to compromise- Once hearing their intentions, boundaries can change, and that is ok!
Take space when needed- If your parents continue to overstep, no matter the compromise or clear statement of your feelings, take your space. Stay consistent on your boundaries, and always focus on your own mental health and coping strategies. Is there something that could be done to lessen the impact this has on yourself?
Boundaries protect our personal and emotional needs. They allow for the development of our identity and will enable us to gain more balanced social relationships. Boundaries are essential to every social contract you will encounter!
