A Daughter’s Perspective on Parenting
Happy (belated) Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there - to the single mothers, to the women that want to become moms but haven’t been blessed yet, to the women that had to carry on raising children that were not their own. You are all superheroes.
I was raised by a woman that was not my mom, but slowly took on that role. My parents got divorced at a young age, and my step mom more than filled the shoes of becoming my mom. I appreciate her every single day for taking care of me as her own and not making me doubt, not even for one day, that she wasn’t the one that had given birth to me. She raised me to be independent and confident, always listening to me and doting on my every move. I felt like I was growing up with my best friend.
Even though I am not a mother, I’ve always wanted to become one. I am not an expert on motherhood, I don’t think anyone is, but when I have a child of my own, this is what I want to pass along.
Let your kid be who they want to be. This is everything a child needs from their parents, to feel accepted and cherished for who they are, not who you want them to be. This could range from sexual orientation, to choosing what to wear, whether they want to play sports or an instrument, to choosing their major or occupation. They are their own beings, not an extension of you.
Always listen, never judge. Even when you feel you don’t agree with their decisions, give them the space to figure it out on their own. Give your own two cents, and allow them to take what they want from what you’re offering without overcrowding them. Don’t shame them for their decisions, instead let them know that you will be there for them no matter the outcome.
Teach them that family matters. Yes we all tend to leave the nest at 18 and think we’re too cool to be hanging out with the good ol’ parents. Then we wake up one day thinking we spent half our lives away. It’s the parents’ job to raise their child in a nurturing environment, so they don’t go running for the hills at the first chance they get. Family is definitely more than blood relations, but no one will take the place of your parents, or siblings, or extended family for that matter. If raised in a healthy and loving environment, it is important to realize family is vital in our lives and they deserve more than being pushed aside.
Show them you love them. We all know that there is nothing more important than your own child, but as children we don’t always see it. Make sure your child knows you support them no matter what. Say the words ‘I love you’ every chance you get. Don’t hold grudges and make them feel bad for things outside their control. Don’t let the stress of the outside world come between you and your child. AND, most importantly, take time our of your day to spend time with them.
Yes, parenting is hard, it’s the hardest job in the world. Children want to know they are loved through words and actions. It’s as simple as that. I’ll conclude my piece with a quote by Gibran Khalil Gibran on parenthood: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you”.
